I spent half of Jaws under my seat and have not watched horror movies since. This seems like one. I can't see, my feet hurt and there is constant noise. This is just like that party last week.

The four of us from Caring Companion Home Care are starting a "virtual dementia tour" at Atria in Kennebunk,. ME.The form asks: Do you feel confused, anxious, disoriented? I don't know what is going to happen. Maybe anxious. 

We each put plastic soles with spikes face up in our shoes. Next are yellow goggles and big gloves. Lastly, ear buds playing constant noise- I keep trying to hear what the people are saying but it is a jangle of ...well, noise. Susan leads me into an apartment, promising not to leave me and asks me to do four tasks. I immediately forget number four. 

1- Find and put on the white sweater. I head for the bedroom, walking slowly and hunched over because I can't see my feet. My co-worker (at least I THINK it is Maggie) is folding clothes on the white bedspread. That wasn't on my list - or was it? The sweater is not there but here it is in the white closet. 

2- Write three sentences in a letter to your family and put it in the envelope. Is the paper in the bedroom? No. Kitchen, no. Score! Living room. I can't see if my pen is writing and jeesh, I can't feel the paper to rip off the pad. These people are mean and I now hate envelopes. 

3- Set the table for four. They didn't get me this time. Only 2 mats are out. But, dang. Paper plates. How many are here? Plates and mugs, not so bad. I can't feel the weight of the plasticware. 

I hear Maggie asking questions. "She won't answer you!" I yell. I can hardly hear myself. Can she hear me? She is counting out her tasks and says "water". That's it! My fourth thing. I feel around for the clear plastic cup. 

Yay, I win. What do I win? Awareness of fear, frustration, disorientation and wanting help, feet that still tingle and thankfulness that I do not have dementia. 

Susan gives us therapy...er...talks to us about the experience. We talk about color contrast and keeping items where they belong. It's hard for dementia patients to see white on white which is why it's a good idea to use colored plates so they can see their food. It's good to greet someone from the front, waving hello, saying their name aloud and extending your hand. I can see that these steps will help to orient someone. 

An hour later, we have put the episode behind us. Because we can. I am so glad I can. 

I am in the tail end of the baby boomer generation and the elder care industry is preparing for the Silver Tsunami we will create. I suspect that you, as well as I, have pretty much not prepared ourselves for the health care and end-of-life care we will need.

As my father's disease progresses, I find that what I am learning for my work for Caring Companion Health Care is extremely helpful for my own family. Hospice started working with my father and mother about 18 months ago. Our hospice social worker provided answers to every question I could come up with and gave us emotional support. They are a wonderful, caring, and knowledgeable group of health professionals.

I was lucky enough to attend the recent hospice conference in Bangor, ME. Women I had not met talked to me in the buffet line, at my table and in the halls. That conference room was full of kind people, working in health care. The woman seated next to me, quietly left the room during the key note speech and returned with a muffin. When I whispered "Where did you get that?" she offered it to me. I glanced down at her nametag, already guessing; yes, she was a hospice social worker.

The first thing Dr. Ira Byock, (palliative care expert, author of three books, a Dartmouth professor, and a frequent TV and radio guest), said was: "I have some bad news that I hate to tell you, but...we all are going to die". After about two seconds of shocked silence, the laughter erupted.  Of course we are all going to die, but how often do we talk about it?

Did you know that hospice is available starting 6 months before death? Right now, 1/3 of the patients use it only for 7days or less. Hospice actually provides many kinds of care, including pain management, while not hastening or postponing death, just making it easier. Dr. Byock pointed out that the end-of-life has many aspects. Relationships can be resolved. Families can talk about the meaning of life.

The most important thing I learned that day was actually the basis of his book, The Four Things That Matter Most About Living.

When your loved one is dying and you don't know what to say, say these four things:
1- Please forgive me
2- I forgive you
3- Thank you
4- I love you

As Dr. Byock says, "You will never be sorry that you did."

We sincerely appreciate our caregivers and we thank them often. The work they do, their devotion and our work have brought tenderness into my life. I often tell my coworkers that my job has changed me. I am not making that up, anticipating my next raise!

Back in the dark ages, I found socializing to be awkward, embarrassment-inducing and

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I have to confess. I am a list-maker. My excuse is that I am a visual and kinetic learner. Seeing the words in front of me and the actual movement of writing help me to remember what I have to do, or buy or who to call. 

It may not be polite to carry a list of the following communication tips, but you can review them and try a few at a time. They are even useful in everyday life, especially when meeting new people.

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25 years ago, walking to an Ocean City, NJ beach with my three-year-old daughter, I sang at each street corner. "Stop, look and listen, before you cross the street. Use your eyes, use your ears, and then you use your feet!"

Approaching a person with dementia is significantly different than greeting a friend or family member. It is important for you to know that their brain is changing. They are confused or anxious. They may not remember you, that you were coming, or why you are there. To ensure that your appearance does not startle a person with dementia or put them "on edge", try the following, which is very similar to that little song: 

Direction

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NOTE: Elders, babies and those with certain illnesses are at greater risk for heat stress than others. Please take this information to heart! For people not located in Concord, MA, please contact your municipal fire/police departments to find out what types of services are avaiaable to you for cooling.

By Mark R. Cotreau, Fire Chief/Emergency Management Director, Town of Concord Fire Department

As you are most likely aware, we are in for a few days of extremely hot weather conditions. Please see the below advisory issued by MEMA.  Additionally residents can access a cooling shelter as noted below:

In response to the extreme temperatures forecast for the next few days, the Harvey Wheeler Community Center will be open as a cooling center Thursday and Friday, 12 noon until 9pm. There are no age restrictions. Please feel free to stop by if you would like to escape the extreme temperatures forecast. If transportation is an issue, during business hours please call 978-318-3020 (the COA Office), or after hours please call 978-318-3400 (Public Safety Dispatch).

Please remember that the Concord Public Library -  Main Library and Fowler Branch - are also air conditioned and welcome the public. The Main Library and Fowler Branch summer hours vary somewhat, and are posted on the Library web site at http://www.concordlibrary.org/pages/general.info.html#hours

Remember last winter when we all wished for warmer weather?

With the extremely hot weather the Commonwealth is experiencing, the Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency (MEMA) is advising people to be cautious and is offering some tips to help keep cool and safe.

“A few common sense measures can reduce heat-related problems, especially for the elderly, the very young and people with respiratory ailments, who are more susceptible to the effects of high temperatures,” said MEMA Director Kurt Schwartz. “Here are some tips to follow to stay safe during this hot, humid weather.”

·    Slow down, avoid strenuous activity.  Do not try to do too much on a hot day.
·    Wear lightweight, loose-fitting, light-colored clothing.  Light colors will reflect heat and sunlight and help maintain normal body temperature. Protect your face with a wide-brimmed hat.
·    Drink plenty of water regularly and often, even if you do not feel thirsty. Attempt to stay hydrated.
·    Limit intake of alcoholic beverages.  They can actually dehydrate your body.
·    Eat well-balanced, light, regular meals.  Avoid high protein foods that increase metabolic heat.
·    Stay indoors as much as possible.
·    If you do not have air conditioning, stay on your lowest floor, out of the sun.  Electric fans do not cool the air, but they do help evaporate perspiration, which cools your body.
·    Go to a place where you can get relief from the heat, such as air conditioned schools, libraries, theaters and other community facilities that may offer refuge during the warmest times of the day.
·    Check with your community for information about possible local ‘cooling centers’. You may also want to call 2-1-1 for ‘cooling center’ information or go to <http://www.mass211.org/>www.mass211.org.
·    Cover windows that receive morning or afternoon sun with drapes, shades, awnings or louvers.  Outdoor awnings or louvers can reduce the heat that enters a home by up to 80%.
·    Avoid too much sunshine.  Sunburn slows the skin’s ability to cool itself.  If you are outside, use sunscreen lotion with a high SPF (Sun Protection Factor) rating.
·    Never leave children or pets alone in a closed vehicle.
·    Check on family, friends and neighbors.

In normal weather, the body’s internal thermostat produces perspiration that evaporates and cools the body.  However, in extreme heat and high humidity, evaporation is slowed and the body must work extra hard to maintain normal temperature, which may lead to heat cramps, heat exhaustion and heat stroke.  If you believe you, or anyone you are with, is experiencing a heat-related medical emergency, promptly call 911, and if possible, move to a cooler place.

The Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency (MEMA) is the state agency responsible for coordinating federal, state, local, voluntary and private resources during emergencies and disasters in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.  MEMA provides leadership to: develop plans for effective response to all hazards, disasters or threats; train emergency personnel to protect the public; provide information to the citizenry; and assist individuals, families, businesses and communities to mitigate against, prepare for, and respond to and recover from emergencies, both natural and man made. For additional information about MEMA and Preparedness, go to www.mass.gov/mema. Follow MEMA updates on Facebook and Twitter.

A friend posted this on FaceBook. (Thanks, Rev. Joanne Van Sant!)

ATD -at the doctor

BFF -best friend fell

BTW -bring the wheelchair

BYOT -bring your own teeth

FWIW -forgot where I was.

GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low.

GHA -got heartburn again.

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Dr. Deborah Bier (photo, right) from Caring Companion's metrowest Boston office is involved in several presentations coming up in the next few weeks that are open to the public. Click on "more info here" below to download a fuller description for each event.

Wayland, MA, Tuesday, April 6, 7 PM, Public Library: Part 2 of 2, "What's New in Aging?" Learn how the new challenges and opportunities of aging in the 21^st century can come together to benefit elders and those with disabilities. “21^st Century Caregiving: Essentials for Caring for a Disabled or Aging Loved One” is a free lecture and community service.  (more info here) REGISTER HERE