I have to confess. I am a list-maker. My excuse is that I am a visual and kinetic learner. Seeing the words in front of me and the actual movement of writing help me to remember what I have to do, or buy or who to call. 

It may not be polite to carry a list of the following communication tips, but you can review them and try a few at a time. They are even useful in everyday life, especially when meeting new people.

Be pleasant and even happy

While care for your loved one can become tedious and emotionally draining, if you can find one aspect that is pleasant, you can exaggerate it. One of our clients says "Bottoms up!" when dressing his mother with Alzheimer's. It has become their private game, repeatedly enjoyed by each of them.

Smile

Keep a genuine smile on your face. Yes, people can detect a fake smile. One of the last things people with dementia lose is their ability to read faces and recognize feelings.

Use your body language

Bend or sit down to reach their level. Lower your head. Standing or hovering is intimidating and scary. No one can focus when they are afraid. Be conscious of your body language; keep it open, calm and even joyful.

Keep calm

Try to speak in a calm manner with a pleasant voice, even if you don’t feel that way. If you sound angry or agitated, people will often mirror that feeling back to you and then some. In any disagreement, catch yourself and stop arguing. You will be surprised at how effective this can be.

Speak more slowly

I am often trying to get all of my thoughts (and opinions!) out at once, while speaking. I am often "nicely urged" to slow down. I then breathe between sentences and give others a chance to hear and then respond to my words. This will make a great deal of difference when speaking to someone with dementia.

Stay on one topic

Have you noticed that when communicating with the men in your life; the simpler, the better? Studies have shown that women multi-task much better than men! Keep your conversations about one topic and use short sentences.

Do not ask "Why"

Why is a very hard concept to grasp. It involves much greater thought than simple statements inviting conversation such as, "That dinner was delicious. What did you like about it?"

Don’t say “Remember”

They can't remember. If people bring up memories, you can expand on those. But asking a person with dementia to remember is embarrassing for them and may make them angry. It is embarrassing for everyone.

I am learning to use these tips in my daily conversations. I hope they are helping others to understand what I am truly saying.