We are about to enter the "Holiday Trifecta" period, with Thanksgiving and New Year's sandwiching Hanukkah and Christmas. Whether we rush to enjoy the bacchanalia of celebration, or slow down for a period of reflection, all of us who play a role in managing care for an aging family member know the stresses of holiday travel and celebration. We strive to include the elder as much as possible, to avoid taxing him or her too much, to meet the care needs, and (we hope!) to build yet another loving holiday memory for family members of all ages.

Celebrating year-end holidays can be even more taxing if travel is involved. Here are a few tips to make holiday celebrations as positive as possible for everyone:

During Celebrations

Be sure someone always has primary responsibility for elder, and that the task is rotated fairly among family members. If you simply assume “we’ll all do it, as needed,” often times something is missed, or the burden falls unfairly on one member. Think proactively about the rotation, and know who is “It” at all times.

Medication management can be particularly important during this period. If the normal schedule is disrupted with visits, celebrations, or travel, it’s surprisingly easy to miss an administration or mix up a dosage. Plan ahead to be sure this is smooth.

Give thought to how to make your loved one feel not only included, but productive. Even if it is a “pretend task,” and someone else will have to do it again, feeling as if we’ve contributed makes everyone feel good. If cooking or household chores was always a part of an elder’s responsibility in younger days, ask for help and tell them that it will make a difference. If dementia is an issue and you have to tell an outright lie to pretend the mess in the kitchen was a help, do it! If someone is simply slower, then slow down and choose a task appropriately matched to currently capabilities. If possible, include a younger family member to help so that memories can be built.

If You Visit Home

You will have a chance to see your loved one in his or her daily environment. In particular, if you have concerns about an elder, look for these signs that more help might be needed:

• Spoiled or outdated food in the refrigerator
• Multiple pill bottles, with both new and outdated prescriptions mixed together
• Mail and bills piling up, unopened or unpaid
• New dents or scrapes in the car
• Neediness, irritability, and/or confusion

If you notice these, or have other concerns, the visit home might be a good time to open a conversation about getting help from a neighbor or an employee or a professional agency. Present the help as “an assistant” to do chores rather than as a baby-sitter to watch over the elder. This helps to maintain a sense of dignity and self-sufficiency.

If the elder is resisting care you believe is needed, the holidays are a good time to do a trial run. You might suggest that an aide (neighbor or professional) attend a party to be sure Dad gets everything he needs and then takes him home when he’s ready. If the experience is positive, this may open the door for more help if you believe it is needed.

If the Elder is Traveling

First, be sure to plan extra time. Security checkpoints, parking, walking from car to destination, all take much longer, especially in cold weather. Adding time pressure will put everyone on edge. Plan all the time you need, and then add more.

If you are flying, think about safety and comfort. Suggest Mom not carry a purse – they are easily misplaced or stolen. If she insists, remove a wallet or valuable items and place into the luggage. Call ahead to your airline to request seating for disabled passengers – but also arrange a note from a PCP documenting the need for it – “Dad’s old” won’t be sufficient. Even if your parents normally walk fairly well, you might request a wheelchair and/or electric cart service. Most airports have them, but again – call first to arrange it. Do not arrive and start looking for a redcap to bring it.

Pack light! This is often overlooked but it is especially important if you are traveling with an elder. You will need extra hands, and a light load can help. Double check in advance for items like government-issued ID. Is the driver’s license or passport available, and is it current? Do you have all medical paperwork that might be required, from a medication list to any physician contact information that may be required during the trip? At the destination, be sure the elder will have privacy and rest.

These guidelines will not prevent all problems, but they do help us manage the parts of the process that are within our control. With planning, patience, and a bit of luck, you can add another holiday memory for all. May it be so!